I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing with my life.
I mean, there are a couple things I want to do, like be in a band, but most of them are quite unlikely (I lack musical ability, etc etc).
But even beyond that, I don't even know if what I want to do is what I should be doing (that is, God's plan for me).
I was praying earlier, and I told God I wished He would just tell me what my purpose was because I was sick of not knowing. But as I was saying that, I realized something. Maybe God will let me know what my purpose is when I'm ready to fulfill that purpose. Maybe the confusion and the stumbling around in the dark is the journey to whatever destination He has in mind. Maybe the journey is as important as the destination, because if I could just teleport to the destination then I wouldn't have been shaped by the journey when I got there.
Bear with me for a moment, and think about Frodo from Lord of the Rings. If he could have just teleported to Mt. Doom to drop the ring in, he probably wouldn't have done it. Even in the story he got there and changed his mind, and didn't willingly destroy it. But throughout the entire story, his interactions with Gollum/Smeagol shaped the both of them. If Frodo or Sam had killed him, or gotten rid of him at any number of points during the story, then Frodo would've ended up keeping the ring and it wouldn't have been destroyed.
Ok, that was quite a dodgy analogy, but I think that if you think about it for a bit, you'll get what I'm trying to say here.
The revelation gave me some comfort, because now it's sort of as if this "purposless meandering" actually IS my purpose, in a weird sort of way.
Though on the other hand, God could be throwing up obvious signs all over the place, and I just don't see them / ignore them out of my selfish ambition and ignorance...
I am being forced to grow up. This is my life, one post at a time.
1 comment:
I know of a few people, including myself, who have felt very strongly about God's call in their lives. The other side can be equally frustrating. It's like you want to go Skydiving so bad, but you've got to go through the 72 hour training course. Then you can only jump if you've got someone jumping with you. And what if you knew in your heart of hearts that you should be pulling sweet tricks on a snowboard as you plummet back to earth? The training process feels boring, exhaustive, a waste of time.
If God hasn't yet revealed "the Big Plan", then I'm encouraging you in your search for day-to-day guidance. You'll do those back-spins at terminal velocity eventually.
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